The Uncontrol Freak
By using the power of the Action Reaction Void I have so much control now by realising that so much is beyond my control. In other words I have control by understanding and embracing the fact that I don’t have control.
There are actions that take place in my world, in other words ‘to me’, and then there are my reactions. But the fact that more often than not there are now voids between those actions and my reactions, the reaction generally tends to be calm, measured, logical, and, wait for it, just acceptance. Because if I have a more passive approach to reacting, I feel better.
As I have alluded to, it doesn’t mean being a doormat. Far from it. It just means that in choosing how to react, and creating some space before I do, it’s usually a calm, controlled smile. And I cannot begin to explain the power that I feel in that smile. It’s just the old phrase “Rise above it” but on steroids! That’s what this entire thing is about! When we realise that we only have control over how we react to things, only then can we find peace.
We can worry ourselves sick (and I know because I have) about relationships or work or our business. But in reality, all we can really do, is all we can really do.
What do I mean by that? In 2025, I sold a property that I had been trying to sell for a long time. It was an ‘investment’ that I lost a lot of money on because no sooner had I bought it, than the market went bad. I spent the best part of a year and a hundred thousand pounds renovating it, whilst interest rates shot through the roof, and demand shot through the floor.
I ended up selling that property for way less than I was hoping to, and I lost money on it. I made myself incredibly ill over the whole experience, and yet when I turned things around, I came to realise that all I could actually do was all of the activities in my power in order to sell that property. I had no control over the outcome. I showed it to lots of people, but ultimately, whoever was going to buy it was going to buy it.
And when I did find a buyer who wanted it, and we agreed a price, it then, of course takes three to four months for solicitors to do a bit of paperwork.
There was a small chain. My buyer had a buyer for their property, who also had a buyer, who was in turn a first-time buyer. At any point along that way, one of them could have woken up in the morning and said, “No, I don’t want to do this,” and then it comes crashing down. I’ve had this before, I’m sure you have. But ultimately it did go through.
The point of sharing that with you is to tell you that all the way along I had a buyer. I didn’t have a sale, and I was well aware at any point that it could fall out of bed. But if it did, I had built up such strength by this stage that I could have dealt with it, and I would have genuinely shrugged and gone on to the next lot of viewings.
Peace begins where control ends. I can only influence outcomes, I can’t dictate them. I eventually found peace when I realised that all I can do to control the outcome of an event or situation is to influence it by doing the things within my control.